adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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