I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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