Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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