What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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