someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize