Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
