that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
