she was so not down for the gang bang
my sisters under your porch take her home
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
