She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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