Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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