I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
