i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
