Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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