Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
