I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
