So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize