when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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