New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
