I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
