My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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