if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
