Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
