I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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