i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
