I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
