you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
