what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
