Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
