Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
