my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
