i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
