I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
are you so shy because you have an std?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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