I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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