so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
