I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
