If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
