everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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