Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
