Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
