My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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