White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Houston, we have a blender
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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