and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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