Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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