Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
