Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
