the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
