Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
