she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my poor anus
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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