dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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