I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
