I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
