There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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