and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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