She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize