Already got asked if we're dating
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
