You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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