My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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