I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
smell my finger.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
