I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
