today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
