my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
