I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
