Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
