when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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