she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't deserve a penis
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize