Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
