does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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