moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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