I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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