My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
