Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
