a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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