Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
