Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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