Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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