There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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