dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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